As I stare at pages full of information on neoclassicism and romanticism in art along with images I would rather not have seen, frustration rises a little. If I had managed my time a little better, I would not still be doing this. I smell like sweat. And my sling is gross and my incision is bugging me, likely from being sweaty and hot. Overall, I feel kind of gross. No matter what I do, I always feel a little behind. Then, somehow, my heart smiles. Yes, I should have managed my time a little better, but I cannot change what I did earlier now. I can simply do what needs to be done. And one day, I will look back on these days and miss them. These afternoons with a notebook and pages fighting ignorance with the golden light of the sun flooding in the room and the sound of my family in the kitchen. So, I will treasure this moment and not resent it. And that sweaty smell that will probably never leave this sling is evidence of the hours spent outside in the sunshine.
My days are often spent like this, being frustrated and then realizing that these moments are too precious to be spent frustrated. I like to do things quickly and get them done, but while my pain has gotten much better over the past couple of days, my motivation and energy have not yet returned. It often leads to frustration, but not really progress. So I am working on fighting idleness, both physically and mentally, while resting and recovering too.
Some of my favorite moments that made my heart happy from the past couple of days: Lawson being the sling cop and running to tell mama every time I take it off, Avery pretending to be my “helpful hand” sometimes and doing things in sync with my good hand so that things don’t take me so long, sitting and reading the Green Ember series while I am on rest breaks, being able to change clothes on my own for the first time since surgery, Lawson asking if they “used the same yellow screws in your broken arm that we used to build the barn” and so many more. I’m treasuring them.
To clarify for those that don’t know, I had shoulder surgery last week. I am doing incredibly well so far. Though it has been a little harder and more painful than hip surgery, it has not been as bad as I expected. I have been asked a couple of times if it worked and I will be able to use my shoulder again. As of right now, it is immobilized and will be for the next several weeks, so I can’t really tell yet. It is supposed to be fixed, but let’s be honest, this shoulder has been crazy from the beginning and never followed the rules. I am hopeful though! Also, my arm is not broken, I just have not had full use of my shoulder for years so Lawson says it is “broken” because it is not fully functional. 😉
Another huge blessing, my pain from surgery has been almost non-existent yesterday and most of today. It is just uncomfortable now, and I am pretty surprised considering that I am only just over a week post-op. The Lord has continually proven to be working in this surgery. He has worked out SO many things leading up to, during, and after surgery. So many things.
To sum up yet another squirrelly blog post, the Lord is, once again, graciously leading me to see blessings amid frustrations. Over and over again, He is leading me back to this place of joy and rest in Him in spite of myself and my silly distractions. His grace is sufficient in all things.